A fisherman skilled in music took his flute and his nets to the seashore. Standing on a projecting rock, he played several tunes in the hope that the fish, attracted by his melody, would of their own accord dance into his net, which he had placed below. At last, having long waited in vain, he laid aside his flute, and casting his net into the sea, made an excellent haul of fish.[1] When he saw them leaping about in the net upon the rock he said: “O you most perverse creatures, when I piped you would not dance, but now that I have ceased you do so merrily.”

[1] Playing music to lure fish. Just how stoned was this fisherman?

Moral of the story: Nobody cares about your band.

A Wolf who had a bone stuck in his throat hired a Crane, for a large sum, to put her head into his mouth and draw out the bone. When the Crane had extracted the bone and demanded the promised payment, the Wolf, grinning and grinding his teeth, exclaimed: “Why, you have surely already had a sufficient recompense, in having been permitted to draw out your head in safety from the mouth and jaws of a wolf.”[1]

[1] I picture the Wolf wearing a shiny suit and a tie with mustard on it.

Moral of the story: Working for terrible people will cost you.

The beasts of the field and forest had a Lion as their king. He was neither wrathful, cruel, nor tyrannical, but just and gentle as a king could be. During his reign he made a royal proclamation for a general assembly of all the birds and beasts, and drew up conditions for a universal league, in which the Wolf and the Lamb, the Panther and the Kid, the Tiger and the Stag, the Dog and the Hare, should live together in perfect peace and amity.[1] The Hare said, “Oh, how I have longed to see this day, in which the weak shall take their place with impunity by the side of the strong.” And after the Hare said this, he ran for his life.

[1] This Lion King and Moses need to have a beer and complain about how annoying it is that nobody lives by their very simple commandments.

Moral of the story: You can’t mandate unnatural behavior.

A Cock, scratching for food for himself and his hens, found a precious stone and exclaimed: “If your owner had found thee, and not I, he would have taken thee up, and have set thee in thy first estate; but I have found thee for no purpose. I would rather have one barleycorn than all the jewels in the world.”[1]

[1] The Cock is talking to the inert stone, not the sentient hens. Typical.

Moral of the story: True wealth is control over your own fate.

A boy was hunting for locusts[1]. He’d caught a good number, when he saw a Scorpion, and mistaking him for a locust, reached out his hand to take him. The Scorpion, showing his sting, said: If you had but touched me, my friend, you would have lost me, and all your locusts too!”

[1] Good source of protein.

Moral of the story: Pat attention to the task at hand.

A father had a family of sons who were perpetually quarreling among themselves. When he failed to heal their disputes by his exhortations, he determined to give them a practical illustration of the evils of disunion; and for this purpose he one day told them to bring him a bundle of sticks[1]. When they had done so, he placed the bundle into the hands of each of them in succession, and ordered them to break it in pieces.

They tried with all their strength, and were not able to do it. He next opened the bundle, took the sticks separately, one by one, and again put them into his sons’ hands, upon which they broke them easily. He then addressed them in these words: “My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this bundle, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies; but if you are divided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as these sticks.”

[1] The old-timey word for bundle of sticks is also a nasty term for gay people. I changed it here because it’s not 600 BC anymore.

Moral of the story: Form unions whenever possible.

A Charcoal-Burner carried on his trade in his own house. One day he met a friend, a Fuller[1], and entreated him to come and live with him, saying that they should be far better neighbors and that their housekeeping expenses would be lessened. The Fuller replied, “The arrangement is impossible as far as I am concerned, for whatever I should whiten, you would immediately blacken again with your charcoal.”

[1] I looked up what a fuller is so you don’t have to. It’s a worker who cleans the crud and dirt and lanolin out of wool.

Moral of the story: Choose your housemates carefully.

A Lion was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face.[1] Rising up angrily, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying: “If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness.” The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came, gnawed the rope with his teeth, and set him free, exclaiming, “You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favor; I now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to confer benefits to a Lion.”

[1] That was just a stupid thing to do, Mouse.

Moral of the story: Kindness often pays off—and even when it doesn’t, it’s free to dispense.

An Ass, having heard some Grasshoppers chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, “The dew.”[1] The Ass resolved that he would live only upon dew, and in a short time died of hunger.

[1] I detect sarcasm.

Moral of the story: Beware fad diets.

A Bat who fell upon the ground and was caught by a Weasel pleaded to be spared his life. The Weasel refused, saying that he was by nature the enemy of all birds. The Bat assured him that he was not a bird, but a mouse, and thus was set free. Shortly afterwards the Bat again fell to the ground and was caught by another Weasel, whom he likewise entreated not to eat him. The Weasel said that he had a special hostility to mice.[1] The Bat assured him that he was not a mouse, but a bat, and thus a second time escaped.

[1] If the bat could pass as a mouse with weird arms, the hateful weasel could probably pass as a sickly squirrel—unless he irrationally hates squirrels, too.

Moral of the story: You are treated as the person who other people think you are.